This is an interesting term, and is probably not found in many Christian psychology textbooks or other Christian writings, but it ought to be. This is because at the center of all God-Human and Human-Human relationships is intimacy – the more intimacy the better, meaning personally satisfying and energizing to the relationship and vice-versa. Without using the word intimacy Jesus was trying to get His followers to understand this through His personal witness in His interaction with His Father. Jesus spent a lot of time in conversational prayer with His heavenly Father, as is indicated here:
Lk 6:12 – In these days He went out to the mountain to pray, and all night He continued in prayer to God.
The result of conversational prayer for Jesus was intimacy with His Father, and they became so close through conversation that Jesus was able to say this:
Jn 10:30 – I and the Father are one.
While none of the content of these prayer conversations is divulged, with the possible exception of Jesus’ prayer in the garden of Gethsemane, we do know the result of them – intimacy. It is not a hard stretch of our imaginations to believe that Jesus talked to His Father about every and any subject that was on His mind; and His Father listened.
So then, as we consider this scripture:
Gen 2:24 – A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
We can see that marriage is designed to be a relationship where a husband and wife can each say:
- My spouse and I are one.
Could it be that the state of so many marriages is poor, fractured and dysfunctional, because of a lack of something as simple as conversational intimacy? Probably!
So what does it mean to be conversationally intimate? How can a couple move from wherever they are to having conversationally intimate conversations? There are many good and helpful answers to this question. However it all really starts with a commitment discussion, which is an intimate conversation by itself. This commitment discussion is an open and candid assessment of where a husband and wife actually are on this issue, and whether they really want to become truly intimate.
We say that without conversations that are truly open and honest, and that transcend our personal hurts, and that focus on knowing each other, and from which shame and blame and judgment are banished, and where we share ourselves, our desires and needs, we cannot have the conversational intimacy which leads to full intimacy. What do you say?